What you can do when your therapist goes on vacation

By Karen Carnabucci, LCSW, TEP

Here we are, at the threshold of June. And you know what that means – people will be taking vacations, staycations and other blocks of time away from work.

This means that your psychotherapist will likely be taking some time off as well.
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You may have lots of reactions about his, her or their impending absence, and that’s all right. Even though you intellectually understand that your therapist is fully entitled to time off for rest, relaxation and rejuvenation, you may notice contradictory feelings that don’t match the logic of the situation.

Perhaps you may feel abandoned. Or disoriented. Or angry. Or scared of how you may proceed without the stabilizing presence and advice of your helper. On the other side, you may be surprised to feel relief – a break in the work on self! – or inspired to take caring actions for yourself and slow down to care of yourself in some new ways.

So what do you do when a therapist goes on vacation? A good therapist will support you in exploring and expressing your feelings and responses about this event. You may also identify the context of these feelings, which may be valuable growth in itself. For instance, you may discover that your haunting feelings of abandonment has its roots in a long-ago experience of being left or neglected, perhaps all the way back to your family of origin.

Your therapist should also help you identify a plan for yourself to feel connected, held and supported. This may include offering names of suitable therapists who you may call if an emergency arises or if you simply need a bit of extra support. On the other hand, it may be helpful to take a break from working on yourself as well, or a beautiful opportunity to take active and independent steps in your own growth and healing .

What will you do at the time when your therapist is gone? Here are some ideas:

• Notice other ways that you can take care of yourself. Maybe this is the perfect time to make that deferred appointment with your doctor, dentist, optometrist, physical therapist or other health professional or adding more movement to your day with a walk or whatever you enjoy.
• Treat yourself to a bodywork session, such as massage, Feldenkrais, cranial sacral therapy or a practice like qigong or tai chi. Modern brain science tells us that the body is an important component in the healing of the whole person.
• Identify your supports. Friends, caring family members, neighbors, your book club, place of worship and the like can help you stay connected to others, which is important to the feeling of belonging and reduces isolation.
• Twelve-step supports like Alcoholics Anonymous, Al-Anon, Narcotics Anonymous, Nicotine Anonymous, Overeaters Anonymous, Gamblers Anonymous, Debtors Anonymous and others are excellent for getting support for refraining from compulsive activities like drinking, drugging, spending and worrying. You can search for these groups in your area, where you can likely find online and in-person meetings or check out In The Rooms, an online resource with online meetings, podcasts, programs, articles and more.
• If you are not a fan of 12-step groups – or are seeking additional or alternative support or information – you may wish to check out Refuge Recovery, Dharma Recovery and Smart Recovery, each of which offers its special take on how to refrain from compulsive activities.
• Calming apps like Calm, Insight Timer, Headspace, Dare, Pacifica, Sanvello and more will teach your brain and body how to relax. Many are free or low cost and you can download in seconds.
• Podcasts! I’ve become a big podcast fan lately, and there are many good ones out there, to learn, to be inspired, to feel connected. You can find a list of10 mental health podcasts that actually help ease anxiety here. I like Brene Brown – who speaks much of vulnerability and courage, as well as leadership – and Veggie Doctor Radio, which supplies plant-based information about health and wellness. And just discovered the Get Loved Up podcast with lots of energy here; another is Mayim Bialik's Breakdown here.
• Social media apps. My current favorite is Quilt, an app which offers live group conversations about self-care and wellness in variety of ways. Quilt is available for your iPhone, but not yet on Android.
• YouTube is full of opportunities to listen to inspiring TED Talks as well as relaxation sessions, easy meditations and gong baths, yoga instruction and much more.
• Find a book. Whether ordering from your favorite local book store, online or from the library, the bibliotherapy of reading and reflective learning offers much growth as well. One of many options is Dan Tomasulo's new book Learned Hopefulness: The Power of Positivity to Overcome Depression. If you'd like to go in another direction check out Sarah Peyton's Your Resonant Self, which offers guided meditations to engage your brain's capacity for healing; her new workbook, scheduled for distribution in September, connects people with the understanding that we can use warm language to support and accompany ourselves and our brain can grow and heal, increasing our resilience and enjoyment of life.

You will want to reflect on which choices are just right for you, and which choices lean too much into the habits that you want to release. For instance, overworking people don’t need to add more appointments and activities to their calendars, but could benefit from a yoga class or a meditation app.

Alternatively, being away from therapy often provides the opportunity to spread your wings and experience what you have taken from the therapy process. Here, you may inventory how you have grown and how you can actively practice new skills in the “real” world. -- as well as future goals.
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Whatever you chose, it may be helpful to journal about your experiences to report back to your therapist when he, she or they return. Making their absence part of your journey may be the one of the most important areas of personal growth.

About Karen

Karen Carnabucci, LCSW, TEP, is the founder of the Lancaster School of Psychodrama and Experiential Psychotherapies in Lancaster, Pa., which teaches transformational learning in a variety of experiential methods and practices, including psychodrama, sociometry, Family and Systemic Constellations, sand tray, group skills and more. Subscribe to her e-letter for professionals and get first notice of training events, Early Bird discounts, helpful links and inspiring and supportive info. You may subscribe here.